Phil

While sitting on the edge of my seat anxiously awaiting the publication of the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report on global warming, word came down the wire that Punxsutawney Phil is in agreement with Al Gore, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Susan Sarandon, Salma Hayek, Tom Arnold, 2,500 U.N. researchers from 130 countries, and every scientist in the world.

In a shocking Groundhog Day celebration, Phil revealed the inconvenient truth, as he did not see his shadow. The evidence is irrefutable, this being only the 15th time in 111 celebrations that the perspicacious rodent has not seen a shadow.

The wise woodchuck also stated (off the record) that the crisis was “very likely” caused by humans and that the only way to avoid catastrophe would be if we all bought one of the Paul McCartney model hybrid Lexus’ with the all vegan interior.