Mystery Man was heard uttering these words over Paris Hilton’s conception: “Will he at least free me from the embarrassment caused by these outward signs? I will raise my voice and will not stop imploring him until in his mercy he takes away, not the wound or the pain, which is impossible since I wish to be inebriated with pain, but these outward signs which cause me such embarrassment and unbearable humiliation.”

Then MM sang this to the pubic area of Mrs. C. Hilton, 5th:

The mystery man got nervous
And he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
And he whipped out a shaving kit
Now I thought it was a razor
And a can of foaming goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin his box wont do
With the oil of aphrodite, and the dust of the grand wazoo
He said you might not believe this, little fella
But itll cure your asthma too…

..which is of course a mysterious stanza in Cosmik Debris.

So, there is a haze of mystery surrounding Paris Hilton from the moment of her conception. And speaking of haze, have you ever been around a skinny girl when she passes wind? OOOOh, Lord, it is the very definition of iniquity. I think that is why she was released; due to wicked malevolent long-held-in flatulence that even woke up the sleepers in the drunk tank. Yes, she is an ordained martyr.

Now can America sleep better?

Oh, before I get side-tracked: Jayne — how do I get technorati, and how do I attach a randomizer in my sidebar like Jack’s. Thank you again, and you might want to edit this one, Jack old boy.

You think 19 sex offenders are bad. We’re in a neighborhood of kids and right on the corner, across the street, is a halfway house for sex offenders that have been recently released. Probably why we have two dogs.