List

I read somewhere that a good way to build traffic for a blog is to post lists of things. People like lists. At least, that’s what I read in this article. Also, lists are easy to do. At least that’s what I read in this article.

So, I’m still having coffee and it’s already late in the day, a little tired from the gig last night, I have no obligations for the weekend, the ice is coming and the power may go out, perfect time to do my first list post.

A while ago, I was looking at my web stats and I noticed that as the traffic grows, the variety of key phrases that people have typed into a search engine and thus, found this place, has grown as well. I said to myself; “One of these days, when I don’t feel like putting forth much effort, I should do a list of these for a post”. Well, it turned out to be a lot more work than I thought. So, whether or not it’s a good idea or entertaining, it is today’s post.

My Top Ten Favorite Key Phrases From November, 2007 and Assorted Notes

10. people who experimented with guitar strings

I like the word “experimented” in this context. Now, if I typed that into a search engine, I would hope to come up with something where people were using guitar strings for some other purpose than playing guitar. Some deviant sexual practice or maybe a garrote. Cheese cutter? Unfortunately, this person was led to this site somehow and probably this post, “New Angles“, which is very lengthy and maybe the most personal thing I’ve written. In it I do briefly talk about experimenting with different gauges of guitar strings.

9. how long does it take a domestic pig to become feral?

Last May, I wrote this post, “Good Read and Big Pig“, about the Alabama boy who shot a huge wild hog. Ever since, I have received a lot of traffic from people with various pig questions. Evidently, there are not a lot of pig resources on the net because, month after month, searchers end up here.

8. why celebrities are listening to hugo chavez

Hugo has recently been my favorite target. I have written more about him than Dan Rather and even Rupert Murdoch. I think O.J. still holds the lead though, and that’s with me really staying quiet about this recent arrest. The early days had a lot of O.J. rants. Every time I write about Hugo, readers stay away in droves so, it’s good to see some response.

7. pickle ads

You ever see that movie “The Sunshine Boys”? “Words with P and words with K are funny. Pickle is a funny word.” I know that pickle is a funny word. If you are ever stumped while entertaining a two year old, just start saying pickle over and over. They will laugh and laugh. That’s why I was delighted to see that someone found my site with a pickle query. I am guessing that they were directed to this post, “The Grid/Fuzzy Pickles“, about the evils of technology and the modern process of recording music. If so, they probably didn’t stay long.

6. if i ever saw myself saying i m excited going to cleveland i d punch myself in the face because i m lying.

I just like the idea of someone actually typing that one in to a search. It would be even better if someone was just thinking that and typed it in to see if others were sympathetic. But, no, it is a quote from Ichiro Suzuki that I discussed in this post, “In Defense of Cleveland and Katie C“. There is some good Dan Rather bashing on that one too, by the way.

5. changing the world’s consciousness about exactly what we’re facing

Once again, it would be fabulous if some goob was sitting around and thinking that crap up. But no, it is a direct quote from Al Gore. It can be found in this post, “Changing Consciousness” in which I discuss Al and this modern day, bullshit notion.

4. i live in a trailer park

I picture some poor soul in utter despair turning to Google for guidance. “I live in a trailer park, what to do, what to do”. Those of you who have been around for a while will remember that, earlier this year, I was living in the quintessetial trailer park, complete with white trash, meth dealers and Jerry Springer type activity. I wrote about it a few times, most notably this piece “Rupert Murdoch, Branding, Perceived Value and Trailer Park Love“. In which, during a rant about Rupe’s quest for world dominance, I was interrupted by a domestic squabble involving a hit and run and the law being called in, in big numbers. All of which, I wrote about in real time.

3. lorenz sz42 encrypter

Sounds siencey, doesn’t it? I get a kick when people who are looking for scientific or tech info end up at my place. I did indeed write about the Lorenz as well as Colussus and modern day code-breaker Joachim Schueth last month; “Cracking the Code“.

2. police dead kids damn glad to be

Whoa, whats that all about? I did have a post called “This Is The City” where I talked about the hands down, all-time best T.V. show ever, “Dragnet”. In it, there was a transcript of an unbelievable Jack Webb soliloquy that does contain all of those words. Was that what this person was seeking? I sincerely hope so.

1. a survey of radial velocities in the zodiacal dust cloud

Once again siencey goodness. Actually, this phrase was on the list nine times last month. Obviously a tribute to Queen guitarist/over achieving smarty pants, Brian May and the fact that it is the title of his thesis. I touched on this in “Brian May, Interstellar Feller“. Several folks have asked me how I came up with the phrase “Interstellar Feller”. I can’t take credit. I have a couple of good friends, Swede and Crazy Eddie who are coppersmiths. They were doing some custom work at the famous novelist Janet Daily’s house over in Branson. They were trying to show her husband how the work was progressing and he said; “I don’t have time to mess with this. I’m diversified and nationwide”. As he walked away Swede said; “Well, I guess he’s just an Interstellar Feller”.

So, that’s it, my first list post. It turned out to be more effort than I intended on a Saturday afternoon but, it was fun going back through the old stuff. Kind of like the flashback episode on “Gilligan’s Island”. If you enjoyed it, let me know and I may do more of this sort of thing.

Fake Your Own Death L.L.C. Update

The above list is of my favorite key word searches. By far, by leaps and bounds, I am getting way more traffic from people wanting assistance in faking their own deaths than anything else. There is an obvious void and huge up-side potential in this service industry. A lot of talented people have offered their services, the firm of E. Morel & B. Javier down in Pollo del Mar, Jayne has volunteered her considerable web skills, Laurie has even done some mock-ups for business cards and letterheads.

I appreciate all of the help folks, I really do. But, what we need to get this venture off the ground is cash and lots of it. The few people that have contacted me with venture capital seem to be worried about superficial matters such as, legality and ethics. Believe me, these are not problems, rather issues that are easily dealt with. Think about it people, we are in the business of faking death here. How can anything be traced if nobody exists? It is a golden opportunity.

Investors- Don’t be the kind of people who stand around and let death pass them by.

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Tags: Fake Your Own Death L.L.C., List