Mindless Yobs In The News Vol.3
Are you trying to lose a few pounds? Get rid of some extra baggage? Drop that spare tire? Don’t waste your time on diets that just don’t work. Don’t waste your money on a costly gym membership. Exercise is hard!
Your troubles are over, finally, there is a solution.
From the AP.
Broderick Lloyd Laswell says he isn’t happy that he’s down to 308 pounds after eight months in the Benton County jail. He has filed a federal lawsuit complaining the jail doesn’t provide inmates with enough food.
According to the suit, Laswell weighed 413 pounds when he was jailed in September. Police say he and a co-defendant fatally beat and stabbed a man, then set his home on fire.
“On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out,” Laswell wrote in his complaint. “About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again.”
But Laswell then goes on to complain that he undertakes little vigorous activity.
“If we are in a small pod all day (and) do next to nothing for physical exercise, we should not lose weight,” the suit says. “The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death.”
The suit also asks that the county be ordered to serve hot meals. The jail has served only cold food for years.
The meals, provided through Aramark Correctional Institution Services, average 3,000 calories a day, jail Capt. Hunter Petray told The Morning News of northwest Arkansas for a story Saturday.
Forget Jenny Craig, all you got to do is get thrown in the Benton County jail. And, as an added bonus, you get to kill someone. Rid yourself of some irritating person and lose weight while you sleep.
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15 Responses to “Mindless Yobs In The News Vol.3”
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Pribek At Zazzle
The post to blame: Most Peculiar Mama (Don't Eat Your Cat)
Pribek, do you think you can help me fake my own crime?
Pat Darnell and Friends’s last blog post..Coming Soon To a Blog Near You !!!
Why fake it? Gots to be somebody you’d like to see taking a dirt nap.
Could this maybe used with Fake Your Own Death? You know, Pat could pretend to kill me, I could pretend to be dead, and he’d go to jail. There’s an angle there, I’m sure of it.
Hmmmmm….sounds like there would be paperwork involved
Well put, J’dA, but that makes me squeamish, but virtually I suppose so, with limited performance: plus guarantee clauses I really do lose 105 lbs. in 365 days on a virtual life sentence prison food?
Call it genius behind the cake walk… just might pay off.
FYOC– virtual dirt nap, but get caught, eat prison food 12 months: There are lots of paradoxical strings in this idea… hmmm we likes it,, like always though we need startup money.
Oh, FYOBR… possibly..?
Pat Darnell and Friends’s last blog post..MooPenguin Papers: Desiree is Crazy for Penguins
Jack, I remember spending a few days sampling the fine cuisine at the Benton County jail along with some of your buddies back in the 80s. Sounds like things haven’t changed much.
Ouch Watermang! Don’t know if I’d have told that one in Church if I were you.
It’s funny, because I did think about that infamous episode as I was doing this post.
WHAT?! Now I wanna know!
Do tell…
J’s last blog post..Preparing for performance.
Weeeeel…That was a long time ago and I wasn’t there on that one. As Watermang says, my buddies were involved so, I wouldn’t be the one to tell the story.
That was definitely back in the day… about 1980 or so. I think Jack’s band Skydog may have been just starting up about that time in Hermann, Missouri. Anyway, I was young and foolish and needed a ride to Houston and back, so Skydog’s drummer and some of his high school buddies offered to make the roadtrip. About half way through the trip I realized that no one else had brought any money, and we ran out of gas and food on our way back. We made it to Bentonville, Arkansas, and someone had the bright idea of breaking into a vending machine. As the getaway car was leaving the scene of the crime, the driver ran over a curb and blew out a tire. Needless to say, Bentonville’s finest had plenty of time to check out the carload of kids from Missouri broken down in the middle of town and go get a search warrant to search the car. There was nothing illegal in the car (unless you count the sack full of quarters from the vending machine), but we all got hauled in and put in Benton County jail until our parents could come pick us up a few days later. I remember being so hungry from having not eaten anything all day, but the food they gave us was so bad I couldn’t eat it. So I can definitely vouch for the Benton County jail’s weight-loss program. Maybe a paid endorsement deal is in my future?
so, Watermang, at the hands of Pribek’s spawn, you came out of Benton County Jail weighing 60 lbs.? Wow, that is tee-totally amazing !!
Pat Darnell and Friends’s last blog post..Nello and Orso weigh in on Penguins: UPDATE !!
Watermang; “Maybe a paid endorsement deal is in my future?” To me, that’s a no-brainer. The Benton County PD should get in touch with you if they have any sense.
Watermang endorsing Benton County Jail weight loss program would:
1.Counteract negative publicity from Mr. Laswell’s lawsuit as Watermang would be portrayed as a satisfied customer.
2.Increase Benton County Jail revenue as this campaign would undoubtedly chip away at Jenny, Weight Watcher, Gold’s Gym market share and consumers would flock to Arkansas.
Watermang could easily be the new “Jared”
Benton County PD, feel free to contact me through this website and I will effort to facilitate this lucrative partnership.
Now Watermang; “About half way through the trip I realized that no one else had brought any money”
A young impressionable, as you were at the time, might be forgiven for making the mistake of assuming that Skydog’s drummer may have had some funds but, if memory serves me correct, wasn’t the driver of the “getaway car”-wasn’t that fellow a Skydog roadie?
Jack, you’re right, I should have realized that I was engaging the services of the band’s entourage and was expected to bankroll the whole operation. Call it a lesson in high finance.
That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, no?
Thanks for being a good sport.