Movie Talk
People talk about movies a lot. When they do, I usually haven’t seen the movie. If it’s a current movie or even relatively recent one, forget about it; I haven’t seen it.
Usually one of two things happens.
1. Somebody is talking about some movie that is a huge part of the pop culture lexicon, one that they assume is a given; everybody has seen it. When I tell them I haven’t seen it, they give a look that I can’t really interpret. Disbelief? What an asshole this guy is? Are you yanking my chain? Seems to be somewhere along those lines.
2. If it’s a more recent film, even one that’s recently come out on DVD, something like that, they proceed to give me an involved interpretive synopsis, complete with hand gestures and I’m standing there with a look on my face that’s hard for them to interpret. Smiling, attempting interest, secretly thinking why the hell would anybody want to see that?
It really takes the air out of the conversation.
It’s not that I don’t like movies. There is no theater close by so, it’s a major commitment on top of the cash to go see one. No TV in the Winnebago and no DVD on the PC so, I don’t catch them that way. And, I’m more inclined to watch a documentary these days if I’m going to seek a movie out.
So, just to give you an idea who you are dealing with. Here is a very partial list of movies that I’ve never seen and can not engage in a conversation about.
Any of the Star Wars films
Titanic
ET
Any of the Lord Of The Rings films
Any of The Matrix films
Any Jurassic Park film
The Da Vinci Code
Born On The Fourth Of July
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
The Exorcist
Gone with the Wind
Saving Private Ryan
Any Spider Man film
Independence Day
Grease
Saturday Night Fever
Any Men in Black film
Any X-Men film
Any of the Batman films
Ghost
Any Mission Impossible film
Any of the Rush Hour films
Love Story
Brokeback Mountain
Yeah I know, it looks pretty bad. And believe me, it’s actually a lot worse. These are just ones that I recall people trying to reference in recent conversations that turned ugly.
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Pribek At Zazzle
The post to blame: Most Peculiar Mama (Don't Eat Your Cat)
It’s okay Jack:
It is not the quantity of movies one experiences, rather it is the quality, as usual. My parents had a commercial rental video library storing around 8000 titles… so I have seen probably that many in my lifetime. It is not a brag… just a fact. And 8000 is only a drop in the bucket.
All those titles you list, I’ve seen them all… some multiple times. If you want I have several hundred VHS tapes I could send ya…
So like reading books, it’s not how many books one reads; it’s reading the right ones.
The only movie you ever need to watch is “Ali Baba Goes to Town, 1937.”
Glad to help,
Pat and Friends
I have been wanting to get back to Jack’s pretty list of movies he has ignored. “Just-in-case erudite tactics” college of socio-pop-ticks instincts instruct me to fill in with some tacit reviews for Jack’s partial unlisted anti-subjects.
My ultra-short, thematic reviews follow:
Any of the Star Wars films — no one ever laughs
Titanic — tight and tanned chick lives
ET — model for Yoda
Any of the Lord Of The Rings films — Hassidic New York Jews’ fantasy retirement saga
Any of The Matrix films — anti matrices statement
Any Jurassic Park film — large big dumb animals eat little fleeing animals, some of them are humans
The Da Vinci Code — dead artist/inventor flim-flam man, Da Vinci, has his way with future yobs
Born On The Fourth Of July — dns [Did Not See] but heard it does not live up to Springsteen’s wailing
Close Encounters of the Third Kind — lost in space
The Exorcist — scariest shit ever
Gone with the Wind — blonde’s lose
Saving Private Ryan — rubble, lots of rubble
Any Spider Man film — less grandly choreographed than say Power Rangers fight the Putty’s
Independence Day — irreparable property damages, unfathomable liabilities
Grease — Boner, boners, more boners
Saturday Night Fever — Italo-Amerigo walking with paint buckets down any market street, anywhere USA
Any Men in Black film — Al Gore’s old room-mate from college is postal
Any X-Men film — the many faces of Sasquatch
Any of the Batman films — they never get it quite right, but keep trying
Ghost — male ghost enters Whoopi, Whoopi comes out of the closet post production
Any Mission Impossible film — Risky business
Any of the Rush Hour films — crew and cast still manages to get around fluidly
Love Story — love means your heart will be torn out, and you will be bereft the rest of your life
Brokeback Mountain — dns [Did Not See] but the main character died soon after filming it
…this concludes my interruption of service… now returning to our regularly scheduled programming. Good Morning. pd-in-full / Pat. Pending