Yesterday, I was driving along and I was kind of hungry, semi-hungry. Let’s say minor league hungry. Not enough hungry to drive out of my way and go to the Korean Buffet, not that hungry. And, I had places to be so I wasn’t going to negotiate my way through the Country Mart to grab some organic celery hearts.
A lot of times, what I’ll do in this situation is stop at the next gas station a grab a plank of good old beef jerky. Probably not the best thing for you but, surely not the worst. Tasty and, for gas station food, maybe your best choice to avoid food poisoning.
Anyway, I grabbed a hunk of the stuff and I was waiting in line at the register and I decided to look at the label; maybe find an expiration date just in case. Buffalo Jerky, it says on the label. Buffalo Jerky!
Now, I got nothing against the noble bison. I’ve eaten buffalo burgers, steaks etc. I know the deal about how it’s leaner meat and better for you blah, blah blah. I happen to think that the cow is one thing they got right; tailor made for eating. So, I walked back to the display, to replace it for some bovine and, the whole thing is buffalo jerky. That’s all they had.
Actually, I’ve seen that at a few places lately; no beef. And sometimes it’s even worse. Sometimes they have these “exotic” jerkys. Not just the chicken, turkey jerky and that jive. I’ve seen alligator jerky.
I don’t want to drive down the road chewing on a chunk of mule deer or Kodiak bear. It started me thinking back to years ago when the old black man from South Carolina told me; “Jack, if I saw a cow and a pig walking down the street together, I’d shoot the pig. Can’t go wrong with the pig Jack.”
Instead of Antelope or Manatee jerky why isn’t someone making pork jerky? It is the other white meat for crying out loud. Surely with all of the modern jerky technology, someone could bust out some pig jerky.
Woah! Why not some Bacon Jerky!!! Who here among us, wouldn’t love to have a tidy little bacon snack while cruising the by-ways?
This is why I love the internet. From Bacon Freak.
Bacon Is Meat Candy! it says on the bag.
Bacon Freak – Bacon Jerky
List Price: 12.99
Our Price: $10.99 including Fast, Free Shipping
* Available in 5 FLAVORS
* Exclusive Gourmet Jerky!
* USDA approved
* 100% Bacon
Summer Tomato BLT – it’s better than the sandwich, who needs the bread anyway?
Cajun – thick-cut pork spiced with Cajun goodness, a very unique and tasty combo!
Peppered – if you like pepper, this is the jerky for you!
Honey BBQ Rubbed – not just your plain BBQ flavor but SWEET BBQ.
Jalapeno – like it hot? Then this Jalapeno flavor will do the trick!
“Jack, if I saw a cow and a pig walking down the street together, I’d shoot the pig. Can’t go wrong with the pig Jack.”
That’s priceless.
One of those guys once told me: “Ain’t a good dog, don’t wag his own tail.”
Bacon Jerky is perfect. The only thing missing from the label is a photo of Guy Fieri. I’m still trying to deal with the Jeff Foxworthy brand jerky product I saw at Wal-Mart. You might be a jerky eater if…
Troubling…
http://www.desperadodistributing.com/jefffoxworthyjerky/
I’m all the time running in to classy women at the jerky stand.
Aw dood, I wasn’t hungry until just now!
me too, salinaspaul, I’m headed to Wal-Mart
Eww, ewwwww! All meat is disgusting because it entails torturing and slaughtering animals for fun (or “candy,” in your words), but bacon is among the most disgusting of all. Just look at that thing. You can see the dead animal’s fat oozing out. I ate a bag of bacon bits when I was a kid and threw up in the middle of the night. When I woke up, my chest was covered in tiny pieces of meat.
You know what’s really funny? How most Americans probably couldn’t eat anything besides fish with its eyes intact. Why is that? Is it scary to realize that the being you are eating WAS SENTIENT before it was slaughtered for your unwholesome pleasure? Back when I ate sentient beings, that’s exactly what was the case for me, but it just never clicked for some reason that actually it was scary and disgusting whether or not the eyeballs were staring at me.