Pribek

Let’s cut the crap. Baseball is America’s pastime, right? Well, let’s settle this the American way.

Ironically, I woke up this morning and put on my Cardinal’s shirt before I put on the news and saw Mark McGwire’s half-assed, conditional confession/apology.

I don’t care if McGwire gets in the Hall of Fame. The wonks are all asking; “Does this affect his chances?”

I don’t care what LaRussa says. The wonks are all asking LaRussa’s opinion. Guy’s a lawyer, what do you think he’s gonna’ say?

I’ll tell you what does interest me; the part where McGwire says he bluffed in front of congress because he couldn’t be guaranteed immunity. Immunity from what? Prosecution? Did he weasel his way out of prosecution?

Well, what do we do here when some snake weasels his way out on a technicality? Take him to civil court.

The guy actually implies victim status when he cries about all the pressure. The fans are the victims. It’s that simple.

So, I propose a massive class action lawsuit on behalf of the fans. And, you can list McGwire, Sosa, LaRussa, Bud Selig and whoever else but, the money is going to come from suing the owners, Major League Baseball, the TV networks and the sponsors. That’s how you do it, take down the deep pockets.

If a journeyman infielder is worth $60 Million…I figure $10,000 apiece for each fan that suffered distress ought to be fair compensation. Surely, there is some jackal of a lawyer out there who needs some high profile time that would take this on.

Anybody who has a ticket stub, a t-shirt, hat…any MLB product from the “steroid era” should be eligible to take part.

That would bring some closure to the steroid era.

Funny, I was just mentioning to a friend the other day, that would be a good band name; Ted’s Frozen Head.

Anyway, we all know that baseball legend, Ted Williams, had his dome froze out in Arizona. Now, a tell-all, disgruntled, ex-CEO book, “Frozen: My Journey Into the World of Cryonics, Deception and Death,” is coming out. The tome is written by ex Alcor (the outfit that did the freezing) ramrod, Larry Johnson. Check out this extraordinary tidbit from the NY Daily News…

As first reported Friday in the Daily News, the book contains the grotesque allegation that an Alcor employee battered the Splendid Splinter’s severed head with a monkey wrench to free it from an empty tuna fish can that was frozen to it, serving as a pedestal

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A tuna can as a pedestal, go figure.

Well, I’m glad they got it off of there because it would be a much harder task hundreds of years from now when all diseases are cured and thawed-out old man heads jabbering about the glory days are a welcome addition to Utopian cocktail parties…

The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval aroma, like the days when everything used to sound like that. Some people crave baseball…I find this unfathomable, but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing the bassoon.